Lost thoughts: (almost) teetotal at 20

For nearly two years, I haven’t drunk, or rather drunk like a typical student. I don’t drink at home, I prefer not to drink when out. Occasionally I might have a cider or a beer. Tonight I surprised my flat mates by having half a glass of wine. Typically I’ll have a coke. I think they were expecting that.

I don’t feel the pressure to drink, and I just don’t fancy it. When I’m in company I like, not being told to do anything, typically with no pressure to dress up, suck in and act a certain way then I will. But par that no.

I’m not sure why I’ve got to hear, but I don’t dislike it. First year first half I drank too much, and I didn’t like what it did to me and who I became. It wasn’t fun and it wasn’t effective. I woke up late, bruised, tired, rude, obnoxious. It fed a part of me I don’t particularly like.

One memory that sticks with me is being drunk on Christmas Day. We ate. It was covid so no one came. I had a nap whilst they all went for a walk, I wanted to escape Christmas Day and I’m not sure why because I normally love Christmas. I was grumpy and I don’t like that. I think I thought I had got everything figured out and I really hadn’t. And that’s fine. That’s how life is sometimes. You can’t help it and you can’t change things. From that I take I don’t like being drunk at home, I don’t like a hangover, I like being clean and in control.

I’m fine not drinking because it’s my choice, what I wish is that other people were more chilled about it. A comment made here and there that they could never do that, how I’m coping sober doesn’t go unheard. All I’d say is I’m doing fine, and you do you and I’ll do me. I like being in control.